Thank You For Trauma.

On Monday, I posted a fb status like: I feel like I could use some comfort food.  I don't know why because I'm not usually like that. ...."


While I was wanting some homemade mac-n-cheese....
really....
I could taste it.....


My father was is crisis.


He has an accident that could have killed him.


He was mowing with the tractor and was thrown.  


Thankfully....
The mower was unengaged....


Thankfully...
he came away with just some trauma.


Just some trauma?
Yes, I am thankful for trauma.


Have you ever seen a bush hog?  Operate?


In case you haven't, it is a rotating blade that is meant to cut bush.  I've cut saplings with mine without thought.


Imagine what that would do to a man?


Where did it run over him?


Head to toe.


Yeah, I'm happy and thankful for trauma.


He has a broken vertebrae, clavicle and scapula.  He'll have a long recovery.  But that all is better than chopped.


So, I'm thankful.


My meditation for Monday was:
Isaiah 40:13-14
Who has understood the mind of the Lord,
or instructed him as his counselor?
14 Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge
or showed him the path of understanding?

 God is in control.

And I know that if God had given a different outcome he would still be in control.  There is peace in that a great deal of peace.

It's ok to ask God about it.  It is ok to ask why.  Why the inoperable cancer for the young child?  Why do this one grow up without enough food to eat?  He's not afraid of those questions, but prepare yourself for the answer. 

God told Job to stand up and take it like a man.  You can read about that here in "Cow Girl Up."  

Honestly, If we are Christ-like, would we not pray "not my will, but your's, Oh, God."

I think so.

Thank you, Father, for your mercies.  Thank you for your tenderness.  Thank you for allowing me to experience your great power and help me to understand that life isn't about what I want, but building your kingdom.  When I don't understand, point me back to the fact that you are holy and righteous never making a mistake. Thank you for the peace to know that no matter what happens you have the outcome fully in hand.  Thank you for the trauma.  I love you.

History, Meditations and Change

I am blessed to be in church at a very young age.  My first memory of church was when I was little, little.  There was a girl who looked like my oldest sister who had just left to go to college.  I didn't understand the girl at all and was afraid of her as a result I wasn't the kindest of people to her.  


The next memory I have is a Sunday School class at that same church.  The teacher talked about how scarred hands help us.  At the time my mother still had her garden.  Her hands were rough but gentle.  I will always equate my mother's hand with Jesus because of that.


Later, I went to church with my grandparents.  Graciously picked up and dropped off by folks that had to drive a long way  out of their way to get me and my younger brother.  I learned a lot during this time....mostly what was right and what was wrong.  I love these people dearly and deeply.


When I got married, Jim went to a different denomination, which was very difficult for me.  It was very liturgical and (if you ask me) stoic.  I complained, "I don't understand a word he's saying."  We were in and out of church for a period of time for that reason and also, even though we were married, our daughter was conceived before wed-lock.  We didn't feel accepted any longer.


Due to situations in life, we (willingly) ended back at my husbands home place and started attending a baptist church.  We fit in until my formerly divorced husband was called by God to full time ministry.  No matter how much Hebrew & Greek you try to teach someone, if someone has it in their mind that the KJV is the inspired word then you are sunk.  We left.


It's hard to find a church.


The next church had a pastor who fed Jim's call.....with a carrot.....dangled on a stick.....just out of reach.


We pulled back and then Jim got his first official people call.  Interim at a SBA.  Well, we'll leave it at that.


When the body elected a pastor, Jim started Joshua House Baptist Church.   We met at a local nursing home in the Alzheimer unit.  We grew quite a bit...in number and in understanding. 


I grew.  It was during this time when I read through the bible for the first time.  I found things in there that just didn't agree with things I've been taught for years and years. 


It was then that God wanted to move us into our own building.  Guess what?  He gave us a build.  You read that right.  He GAVE us a building.  It was a mission with out a leader.  The board was weary from carrying the burden.  


We started with status quo mentality.  But God didn't leave us there.  We began a journey into grace, into mercy and into love.


There have been events over the course of the last week that have really called my attentions to where we were and where we are now.


I think all Christians can say that they believe obeying God's commands are essential for a fulfilled life.  I agree.  But Jesus says that Loving God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength is the most important commandment AND to love your neighbor as yourself.  On these two commandments all others hinge.


People ask me how I can be so unconcerned with this or that or why situations don't bother me.  I believe I can honestly answer that by saying, believing and living:  "If I compare all the wrongs I've done to God which are numerous and grievous, then the small offenses against me are insignificant."    


My standard is not what others have done, but what Jesus has done.  While being murdered on the cross for my sin he prayed, "Forgive...".  


God's grace is forgiveness extended to me, not because I deserve it, but because he loves me.  How can I not help but love those he loved.


I pray daily that this grace grows in my heart.  That I may touch others with a love so deep that it changes a person's very breath.  That people wouldn't even see me, but the Jesus that loves me, the Jesus that loves them.  I wonder if that what Paul meant when he said he died daily.


These thoughts are so different than what they were 15 years ago.  I concerned myself with doing the right thing and making sure that others in my path were doing the right thing.  I didn't do a very good job at it, but after all, the Holy Spirit does a much better job at conviction than I do.


Maybe you can identify.  Maybe you get discouraged trying to keep up with the "good christians".  Maybe you feel dissatisfied with teachings that only about going to Heaven.  Jesus came, lived and died so that you could have life and have it more abundantly.  Keep pressing, keep praying and keep reading your bible.  


Love and peace to you in Jesus.

Yearly Check-up

Today was the day of Ephraim's yearly cardiology appointment.  It's hard to stay calm of spirit approaching these appointments, but a necessity of life they are and my cool-cucumber, aloof, flippant approach I'll do.  


Every appointment there is this to measure and that to watch.  Of course, this and that are all monitored with sophisticated equipment which doesn't help a dad and mom when trying to determine if he is on track.  The only measuring stick we have is that he runs circles around almost everyone and goes for more.  The bunny has nothing on this boy.

Dr. Robinson listening to Ephraim's chest..
This is the doctor God used to stabilized
Ephraim the day his was born.
He holds a special place in my heart. 

Today's appointment was the regular stuff.  Check-in, height, weight, pulse, various extremity pulses, blood pressure, ekg & echo.  AND For the first time in 7 years, there is nothing but good stuff to report. 

This is Mr. Gary.  He is the first sonographer to
find Ephraim's left PA on echo.  He's a hero, too!
He likes Ephraim because he'll lay still.
 Bwahahaha!
Until Ephraim etst bored and starts flexing his
abdominal and chest  muscles for something to do.
Bwahahaha!
Mr. Gary was not as impressed as I was.
Bwahahaha!

 The murmur in his aortic valve: no change (still murmurs, but no change means that it is just a side effect of the corrective surgery and it is growing with him).


The biggie: the left PA branch: this is it: this is the pins and needles part: this is where I hold my breath every cardiology appointment.


...."It's making progress, it's growing"  I asked, "you can say it's MAKING PROGRESS???"  (remember this has been a concern for 7 years and each appointment is mediocre news, at best.)  Dr R.: "Yes, definitely.  There's less turbulence & more flow."  (meaning there is more room for blood to flow through that artery.)  Then!!!! "There is no reason right now for further invasive imaging."


I cry tears of joy because 5 years ago they were sure that he would have to have further heart work done.  He was most assuredly going to have to have another OHS (open heart surgery).  As he grows it looks like that will be less likely.


We are clear for a year again.  So grateful.


I thank God everyday for my children and especially for Ephraim, not only because He is being healed by the finger of God right before our very eyes, but because, God uses this boy in a very special way.   Ephraim teaches me everyday to live out loud and just what it means to receive unmerited favor.  I don't deserve this child in my life any more than I deserve to have him healed or any more than I deserve a savoir that loves me in spite of my faults.  Thank you, Jesus, for giving me Ephraim to show your grace and love in a living, breathing way.

Happy Easter & Resurrection Day!

Many Folks are all about Christ today. The have put on pretty new dresses or ties, their children are neat as a pin and dressed in all matching outfits. The air is warming and flowers are blooming as a testimony of the season's change. We all sit in pretty little churches in our pretty little outfits listening to pretty little sermons about how Christ died and rose from the grave so we could go to Heaven. That message makes me sick and sad.

Sick because it's a lie. Perhaps lie is a distasteful way to state it. How about a sliver of the pie. I believe there is a bigger picture and God wants us to have so, so much more. Why would Christ say that He came so that people may have life and have life abundantly? Christ's entire reason for existence was to do the work of His Father, building His Father's kingdom. Every thing Jesus did he did with you and I in mind. He did it so that we could have a relationship with the father.

Sad because so many people are trusting in a prayer and have been told that a prayer is enough.

What is the greatest commandment? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your strength, with all your soul AND love you neighbor as yourself. That's a lot of lovin'. The law doesn't love, it dictates. Do you really want to trust in believing in a prayer and then living life without love? Gossip, criticism, judgement is what makes us a hypocrite.

For me, I would rather live a life of love, grace and mercy the way my Jesus did.