Utterly broken

I'm sitting here shaking in tears.


I feel like Peter in the boat speaking to Jesus.  "Depart from me, I am a sinful man."


My mediation today has been from Romans 1&2.


Paul says that no one has an excuse.  God has given us every opportunity to turn to him, but some have turned away giving themselves up to a depraved mind.  


It's easy for the Christian to understand chapter 1, we stand on it every time we make a judgement. 


BUT


God saw fit to remind the Christian in Romans 2:1-3 ending with a severe warning in vs 4.  


As I read and re-read and meditated on verses 18 through 32 of Romans 1 I realized a few things about myself in a way that I never have before


I'll admit that I don't like confrontation so I may not be completely forth right about things - skirt issues that I know will cause problems (deceit).  I want things that others have (covetousness, envy).  I am proud (haughty) will let you know it (insolent and boastful).  Joke too much on the wrong things (foolish).  Devise plans (faithless).


God through Paul says that I am just like the homosexual.


Romans 2:3 (ESV) Do you suppose, O man--you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself--that you will escape the judgment of God?


Who is the "you"?
According to the introduction Paul is speaking to "all those in Rome who are loved by God and called to be saints" (vs 7) -- the church in Rome - known as the Gentile church.


It was unreal to me as I worked my way through it, but I felt the presence of God the entire time as he pealed back layers in my heart to reveal my condition and held my hand pointing me to the one that won the victory over that sin.


I was a dark place to go, but the light of the world was their with me.  I could not have gone through it 30-some years ago when I said a prayer, my eye sight and hearing were not ready.    It took me a long time to be able to desire that I apply God's word to my own life instead of applying it to situations and folks around me.

My relationship to God is one that is because of Jesus' sacrifice, cultivated and secured by the work of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 8:1 clearly states that because of Jesus there is no condemnation   Thank you, Jesus.


This place where God took me is definitely hard to put into words, but I wish that everyone reading it could experience that type of purity and openness before God.  It is truly humiliating. 


Father, keep me ever humble before you.  Amen.

Amendment One

Here in North Carolina, we are being asked to vote on a bill called "Amendment 1" or SB 106. In my rural, bible-belt area there are signs every where urging voters to vote yes.

Amendment 1 defines marriage as the union between one man and one woman and adding it to our constitution. (By the way, that is man's definition, not God's definition. 1 Corinthians 6:16).

I do want to share some thoughts about my process of deciding.

First and foremost-no matter how hard you try, you can never legislate morality. Not your morality - not God's morality. God gave us law, not to keep us in line, but to show us our deficiency to HIS righteousness. That is the whole point of a savior, my savior, Jesus. (Romans 8 - actually a study of all Romans will prove that point.)

Secondly, taking time to process and support these types of societal issues takes away from me dealing with my own problems. I've never done this but case in point: bombing abortion clinics. Or closer to home: harboring resentment against someone in my heart, gossip, lying. See, in my mind, this is failing to remove the telephone pole from my eye while inspecting the speck in someone else's eye. (Matthew 7:3-5)

The greatest commandment is Love the Lord your God with all your mind, heart, strength, and soul AND secondly love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:37-40) Jesus defines neighbor in a parable called "The Good Samaritan". (Luke 10:27-37).

Thirdly, people who weren't like Jesus liked Jesus. Look at scripture. The outcast of the theological society flocked to Jesus. He was different. He never accepted their sin, just them as a person.
The thief: accepted;
the whore; accepted;
the leper: accepted
...want me to continue? ok:
the tax collector: accepted,
the poor widow: accepted;
the mixed breed: accepted;
the doubter,
the adulterer,
the alien,
the sick,
the feeble,
the contrite,
the unclean,
even Peter:
all accepted.

In that list there is not a group of religious people (the Pharisees and Sadducees). Those, he despised. People who made their version of his word and sold it as his word. Read the gospels Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

Jesus loves people. He hated what they did/do sometimes, but even then he loves them. He loves God more though and that was his driving force. I do not call myself a Christian anymore because it is so perverted from the meaning. Christian means Christ like-to look like, act like and talk like Christ. I fail that miserably. I much prefer Christ follower or Christ disciple.

I don't mean to be so direct and mean, or argumentative but, Christian, please think about what you say when you start beating the drum or wielding the sword. I urge everyone who claims to be Christ's to ask and seek wisdom from God if this is God's bidding or self-righteousness.

Lord God, I want to focus on you, your love, your wisdom. I want to love people like you loved people. Live in and through me so that you may touch people in a special way. I want to be your vessel. Let every thought I have be your thought and guide my path with your word that I might please you and add to your kingdom. I love you, Lord.